You might have guessed it already. But if you are not as quick as i think you ought to be-THIS is one of those moments. I am still deciding whether to write and pour my heart out. Not that I dont have friends I trust or that I am unhappy with life lesser still am i hurt or depressed. I actually feel senseless-it is like emotions have deserted me. I still love you! more than ever! you know it if you are reading this. my life is wonderful! thanks!

But i believe it is our nature and interactions that have made us this way. That I am proven right multiple times when i refuse to let the crown come off is sad! really! It has only made easing my hand more difficult!

And so I decide to let it be this time as well. And let it die within me.

There are so many stories within me. I wish i could say all those things and document them for my future generations. But kids! you are not going to get the story of how i met your mother-or-how i made my life. because the universe is conspiring against it!

I had been interning at one of the best places in the world. There is not a single person who could disagree. However there were many who dissuaded me. Some knowing of my goals, some …, and yes it worried me to think I would not be able to study for my placements and that I would also not be able to prepare for November the 18^th. Had I put in too many eggs in the same basket???

Finally I am able to set to rest the uneasiness in my mind (Well it happened a week back, but anyway).

I was fine with not making it into one in the top bracket, I felt smaller than the rest, felt less prepared. Then DE SHAW happened. I got to sit for the interviews there. It went well but didn’t get selected. It hurt my pride (call it my ego if you want to). I could not make it work in an interview. I had failed! An INTERVIEW!

I had just decided I was going to start serious preparations for the campus placements that TI came along. The interview went fine, I was skeptical though. I wished I got through just because I couldn’t bear with the agony of failing another interview, and then I got placed!

And how does it feel was the question on every ones lips. Everyone that mattered! All I could muster then and all I can put to words now: AMAZING. I did get a job on my own after all! I did deserve it after all!

It truly is the best feeling in the world… Cheers! Now next on the checklist…

It all started when we were going to Darjeeling, While driving up I recieved a call asking me if I had time for an interview. Since I was driving up narrow hilly roads where there was no place to park the car, I politely declined,and re-scheduled it to a more convenient time, later in the week! Having known the way people try to act with their dream companies, it seemed like I had blown it. I cursed my luck. (I was to later know time could be a scarcity for anone, interns included and it is understood here, 1 more reason i love this place, so no damage done)

Vacation over, back home still unsure where i would be in a weeks time i tried to decide the merits of both the places. Having decided I wanted to come here (if i got it), I called up CL and asked about the batch transfer scene. Having been reassured that all was fine and easy, they said it took a maximum of 15 minutes, I sarted preparing myself mentally for both scenarios.

All went well and I got in here, I called up CL to tell them I did indeed require to shift my batch on a temporary basis to Bangalore. I asked them when I should come and collect the necessary documents. Tomorrow, It should not take more than 10 minutes. Don’t worry! (They don’t realise its my job to worry, and indeed i needed to!)

Next morning I got the shock of my life when i was told they had stopped giving out transfers and that there was nothing they could do for me! So much for the promises they made when they collected the 27thousand-and-odd. This weird new centre incharge finally agreed to send out a mail to the bangalore centre afer I pulled some strings and argued endlessly.

But it did not stop and on reaching Bangalore, I found that the mails had not been sent and there was nothing I could make her do sitting here. Some 5 sweet phone conversations later the people here agreed to let me attend classes and I fixed up to meet them at 11AM on saturday.

Saturday.. I am told they do not have a batch they can accomodate me in in the sadashivnagar centre and that I had t travel to Church Street for every class of min I decided to attend. Its not far, Church Street, but every journey in one direction basically means I have to shell out twice the amount I actually should. talk of getting Ripped-Off.

Stll I agree and join! On reaching Church Street, I find out that Nitin was actually perfect in his assessment of the Maths faculty at Bangalore. They are really not worth wasting your weekends on, 90 min. classes with no examples and explanations that would make the foundation book a Bible, Why would I ever want to attend? However the English  faculty seemed much better than at Delhi and I decided to take as many english classes as I could while at Bangalore.

Next week is the MoCK CAT and SIMCAT week and suddenly I find myself in the mediocre bracket. I find myself nowhere close to what I should expect to be. I really do not know if I can make it(But I will certainly not say I can’t). However still I would say it has been the best thing, my decision to intern here.

 Don’t really know how to conclude this but that’s how it is!

That I would change was not a question before I came here. I mean everyone does at one point of time, but the fact that it took only all of 3 weeks! amazing!

So What is it that has prompted me to exclaim so? I just can see my true self come out. I feel more confident, I feel more focussed, I feel better. Most importantly I have learnt to keep out the inhibitions. I have learnt that some people are indispensible and some are not, and the quicker you learn to distinguish between the two the better.

I have learnt the need to fit into society, not that i was a rebel earlier, but I did not know the reason as to why I should! We collaborate with all kinds of people here and any preconcieved notions might affect our judgements and also our capability to grasp what the other is showering.

Oh! I have also gotten rid of the fear to speak out. I learnt there is no such thing as stupid questions. and that unless you want to learn no one is going to teach you!

Its been a major ride! thanks!!

will keep you updated about my stay here with a more interesting journal next time! esp the CL part.. thats humorous and interesting!!!

Check it out .. Blogs Start Monday!

So it all started with me not making it on time to a someplace my friend wanted me to go, he wasn’t very pleased and I understand. But still????? Well to be frank I was feeling guilty about not having reached there on time (it was not intentional; I just lost hold of time… Luck!!), but now I have no regrets, for the way xyz has reacted

Then the day I shall probably not forget in a while. Is it so big a deal that someone does better at something so trifle that you stop taking their calls and all other forms of interaction? I certainly don’t understand the problem here!

Anyway the point is after all of this I see a conversation passing judgments on me and some other friend of mine. For those who were a part of this… remember SOCKS? What you think you saw was certainly not there. Just shows the filth you have in your head. And the fact that you need to discuss this with people and not face me with the allegation miffed me further.

There are reasons why I keep things from you and I expect you to respect and understand that.

This is probably not the right place to post this… but I need to vent out my anger…

What if it is not just your mistake? What if you needed them? What if they needed you? Is this what we mean by EQ? Would it really change my life if I chose one of the above options? Is there any option other than those I have spoken about?

What would I do? Well fake it… move on! That’s the thing I would want to do… that’s the thing I would!

That’s the reason I feel I am well equipped to face this life, but the trouble is – there are others who can do the same too. Today I stand vindicated that I am not alone! People who dislike me the most are the people that stand closest to me. It is not just me! Make no mistake I salute you for that (if you know who I am talking about) because it is two sided! We still require each other and being professionals that we are (rather are going to be) let us keep the face for a little more.

People have oft asked me if it doesn’t pinch my conscience, if it doesn’t make me feel filthy, if I did not want to give vent to those visceral feelings! They talk as though it was wrong to do that. As though it was sacrilegious! I put my head on the line today and say ‘NO’. I feel no pinch; I feel no need to give expression to anything.

But yes I would have liked to know if you disliked me… from YOU. But then you did not find out I dislike you from me either. No complaints.

Be Cool!

The Title of the blog .. Just to make the point yet again!